I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
