I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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