She is in my trunk
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
