If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
