She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
