what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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