He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
