the condom got lost in my hair
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
