He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
