don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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