I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
