Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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