Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
