Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
