Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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