It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
we should paint friendship bongs
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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