Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
