So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
