omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I party with great urgency now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
