i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
