I cannot find my penis.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
