I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
