I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
