Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
