I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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