I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize