when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I love having hate sex.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How does one acquire holy water?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
