It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
