For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
