Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Say something about gay babies.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize