i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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