This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
