I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't deserve a penis
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
