I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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