My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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