do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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