just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
