So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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