I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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