I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
