I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
