Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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