and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
