All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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