There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
