how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
