Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
