mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
