Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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