You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
