He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
