Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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