Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
