at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
