White coat. Heels.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
