It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
is it fun? or sober?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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