This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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