Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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