the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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