The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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